Top Ten Worst One Direction Lyrics: in descending order of terribleness

During our countless hours listening to One Direction’s historic canon (utilizing Spotify’s wondrous collection and equally wondrous private-listening feature), Shannon and I have discussed just how badly worded and incomprehensible One Direction’s lyrics can be. So please let me now take what started as a friendly workplace game, and submit it as an official artifact for the Internet.

The worst 1D lines/The best 1D gifs*:

A juxtaposed love story

10. “…and if we get together (yeah get together), don’t let the pictures leave your phone.” – Live While We’re Young

Not the worst line, no, but one that stands out on account of how generationally specific it is. Lyrics that will speak to people born in a year that starts with “2—.”

9. “Oh, I just wanna show you off to all of my friends/Making them drool down their chinny-chin-chins.” – Kiss You

No thanks.

8. “The one that I came with/She had to go/But you look amazing/Standing alone.” – C’mon C’mon

The bright side of this totally insensitive premise: They certainly know how to look on the bright side.

7. “Hands are silent/Voice is numb/Try to scream out my lungs/It makes this harder.” – Moments

When we hit this line, Shannon wonders both what they are trying to say and if it is about penises.

6. “Cause I can’t compete with your boyfriend/He’s got 27 tattoos.” – I Would

This is opposite of the lyrical magic of Harry Styes’s hair.

5. “And I will steal us a car/And we will drive to the stars/I will give you the moon/It’s the least I can do.” – Stand up

How? How is that the “least you can do”? It makes no sense. Unless what you mean is, “Where we’re going we don’t need roads.” Then just say that. It makes about as much sense as the people drawing cat faces on 1D’s regular faces.

4. “I won’t let these little things slip out of my mouth…And I’ve just let these little things slip out of my mouth.” – Little Things

WHOOPS. Thanks for telling the whole world about how I have to squeeze into my jeans. Also from Little Things: “You’ll never treat yourself right, darling, but I want you to.” Sure, that sounds good.

3. “Every minute’s like a lasso.” – Everything About You

What does this even mean? No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to “lasso” any meaning out of this.

2. “If I’m louder/Would you see me?” – More Than This

No. That makes no sense.

1. “And girl, what a mess I made upon your innocence.” – Gotta Be You

Gross.

In summation: At least they always seem to be having fun.

*All One Direction gifs are the best. I in no way narrowed these down by quality. That would be impossible.